SAVIOR

savior -
you have your savior.
we all stare when you pray,
cast our eyes down,
shuffle bank statements over bibles on the living room table.

can we save ourselves?
if our only goal is raw survival
and we don’t believe in much aside from:
sleeping, hospitals, basic weather patterns,
or any moment in the future
beyond a few seconds?

you need to LET him save you -
it’s what you always say,
so upon opening your heart or finding him behind the couch,
is it like a golden globe of warmth arriving in your chest?
when your hands are outstretched high as you sing,
are you hoping your fingers might catch his spark?
arms crossed, with half a tear, i’ve told you more than once:
i wish i could believe, but i just don’t

so,

is it something we’re supposed to fake?
fake like we’ve done before:
bleached our hair fake, morphed our bodies into shapes fake,
smiled until our cheeks hurt,
always ‘fake it until you make it,’
but then we’re forced to design our own destinations

savior -
you say we need a savior.
if i stay without him, unlike in living, i know where i will be
in a hundred years from now, particles cruising through the air,
molecules and matter.
i spit cynical, sarcastic:
save your savior,
save yourself.

[STILL, on that night, preparing to take flight  by the tenth floor window
that the city inconveniently clamped shut,
even the pigeons looked peculiar by morning
trying to pluck through the other side of the glass,
and i laughed at myself
and thanked someone, who was not myself.]

tremor question

would anyone know what would cause a rough tremor to come back, after about a year of successfully treating it on medication?

has anyone had similar circumstances? it’s lasted for four days now and doing small tasks (eye liner, nail clipping, sometimes picking stuff up) is getting difficult. i’m trying to drink lots of water in case it’s that. when should i call my doctor? (and if i was to, normal or psych?)

i figure the tumblr community is well versed in things like this…haha…judging from my “audience” this is a good place to ask a question like this. thanks

i googled this for like an hour and couldnt find an answer. does anyone else take seroquel, except the newly generic form? has it suddenly “stopped working” (does not make you tired at all when it used to make you fall asleep)?

**thank you for the responses. for the kid who said to meditate, yes, i like what meditation i know, breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques a lot. and i also go to counseling and exercise regularly. don’t want people to think i’m a thoughtless pill popper

i believe in a holistic approach to mental health so that mental illness stays lying dormant…sometimes that has to include medications, unfortunately. just throwin it out there :)

I’m really happy about Tumblr’s new policy. It makes me so happy to think that someone might be helped, and thousands more people won’t feel upset or triggered.

Pretty much retirin’ this. I’m gonna try and run a constructive blog about mental health on my home stomping grounds, Xanga.

‘blubbing out’